Nau'o'i hudu na sha'awar juna - daya mai kyau da uku ba mai kyau ba
Haɗe-haɗe wani tsari ne na haɗin gwiwa na kulla zumunci tsakanin mutane waɗanda ke dawwama har abada, ko da lokacin da mutane suka rabu. Ga manya, haɗewa fasaha ce mai amfani da buƙatun ɗan adam. Ga yara, wata muhimmiyar larura ce kuma ƙwarewar farko ta tunani wanda aka gina hanyar dangantaka a nan gaba.
Haɗe-haɗe azaman kayan aiki don hulɗa tare da ƙaunatattun ba a haɗa su cikin kwakwalwar jariri ba, amma an kafa shi yayin sadarwa tare da babban babba. Yawancin lokaci wannan shine uwa ko uba, sau da yawa - kakar ko wani, idan an bar yaron ba tare da iyaye ba. A cikin iyali inda zaman lafiya, kwanciyar hankali da fahimtar juna ke mulki, kuma yaron ya girma cikin ƙauna da kulawa, jaririn yana haɓaka abin da aka makala na yau da kullun, wanda masana ilimin halayyar ɗan adam ke kira "abin dogara".
"A cikin yanayin da ba shi da lafiya kuma tare da rikice-rikice, halin rashin kwanciyar hankali na babban balagagge, an ƙaddamar da rashin daidaituwa - rashin tausayi wanda yaron da babba da ke girma daga gare shi ba zai iya haifar da karfi, lafiya, dangantaka mai tsawo tare da shi ba. sauran mutane, "in ji Evgenia Smolenskaya, masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam a Cibiyar Kiwon Lafiyar Hankali.
Cin zarafin haɗe-haɗe yana nuna kansa a cikin rashin amincewa, tsoro, damuwa, faɗakarwa, matsalolin daidaitawa, sha'awar codependency, rashin daidaituwa, ainihin abin da ya rushe zuwa abu ɗaya - rashin iya zaɓar abokin tarayya mai kyau da gina dangantaka mai farin ciki. Yadda za a gano cin zarafi na abin da aka makala da abin da za a yi da su - in ji masanin mu Evgenia Smolenskaya.
Dalilan karya abin da aka makala
An tabbatar da ka'idar haɗe-haɗe a ƙarshen 1960s da 70s ta masanin ilimin hauka na Ingilishi kuma masanin ilimin halin dan Adam John Bowlby, tare da haɗin gwiwar ƙwararriyar masaniyar ɗabi'a Mary Ainsworth, wacce ta bayyana lamarin a matsayin kusancin tunani tsakanin yaro da uwa. A tsawon lokaci, Bowlby ya gane cewa haɗin da aka kafa tun yana ƙuruciya yana taka rawar gani a duk tsawon rayuwa, yana tasiri dangantakar mutane da duk hanyoyin fahimtar juna.
A ƙarshen 1980s, masana kimiyya sun ci gaba da haɓaka ra'ayoyin Bowlby da Ainsworth kuma sun gano cewa hulɗar tsakanin abokan tarayya a cikin soyayya, abota, har ma da dangantakar kasuwanci yana kama da dangantaka tsakanin yaro da iyaye. Kamar yadda alaka tsakanin uwa da jariri, inda kowa ke samun albarka da goyon bayansa, haka dangantakar soyayya ta kasance tushe mai aminci, tsarin da ke taimaka wa kowanne a cikin ma'aurata da duka biyun suna nuna tasirin ciki da waje, suna daidaitawa da wahala da jin dadi.
Babban abin da masana kimiyya suka gano shine gaskiyar cewa ƙa'idodin da aka kafa a cikin hulɗar iyaye da yara suna shafar haɗin kai a cikin dangantakar soyayya. Nau'in abin da aka makala an kafa shi tun yana ƙuruciya kuma yana dawwama a duk tsawon rayuwa, kodayake ƙwarewar da aka samu na iya rinjayar ta. A wasu kalmomi, ana iya kawo mutum a cikin yanayi mai aminci, amma bayan da ya shiga wani mummunan kwarewa a cikin dangantaka ta soyayya, ya ci gaba da cin zarafin abin da aka makala - kuma akasin haka. Zai yiwu a gyara halin da ake ciki don mafi kyau, amma yana da wuyar gaske, tun da an ɓullo da wasu dabi'un dabi'un da ake buƙatar canza su, kuma ba za a iya yin ba tare da taimakon gwani ba.
Nau'in haɗe-haɗe da yadda suka bambanta
Masanan ilimin halayyar dan adam sun gano manyan nau'ikan abin da aka makala guda hudu a cikin dangantaka. Daga cikin waɗannan, abin dogara kawai ana siffanta shi azaman qualitatively karɓuwa don farin ciki na sirri, kuma sauran ukun ana ɗaukarsu cin zarafi waɗanda ke tsoma baki tare da shi.
1. Amintaccen nau'in abin da aka makala
Halaye da kyakkyawan hoto na kansa da kuma kyakkyawan hoto na wasu - wato, mutumin da ke da irin wannan ya san yadda zai daraja kansa kuma ya amince da wasu. Mutanen da ke da amintaccen abin da aka makala suna buɗe wa abokin tarayya, ba sa tsoron kusancin motsin rai, suna so kuma suna iya zama masu ƙauna da gaskiya. A cewar masana ilimin halayyar dan adam, damar samun jituwa a cikin rayuwa tare shine mafi girma ga haruffa tare da amintaccen abin da aka makala, wanda ke ba da gudummawa ga kyakkyawar fahimtar dangantakar soyayya da gamsuwa gabaɗaya.
2. Nau'in haɗin kai mai damuwa
Halaye da mummunan hoto na kansa da kuma kyakkyawan siffar wasu ("Ni mara kyau / oh, suna da kyau"): irin wannan nau'in yana azabtar da kansa da shakku da damuwa, musamman ma idan abin ƙauna ya kasance sanyi ko ajiyewa. Mutumin da ke da abin da aka makala yana da alaƙa da sha'awar sha'awar sha'awar sha'awar jima'i, buƙatar tabbatarwa akai-akai na ji na abokin tarayya, wanda sau da yawa yakan haifar da ladabi a cikin dangantaka. Mutanen da ke da irin wannan abin da aka makala suna da alaƙa da shakku, kishi, maganganun motsin rai.
3. Gujewa-ƙin yarda da nau'in abin da aka makala
Masana ilimin halayyar dan adam sun danganta nau'ikan haɗin kai na uku da na huɗu ga waɗanda aka samu a lokacin balagaggu, sakamakon gogewa: ba su san yara ba. Ƙin haɗe-haɗe-hala siffa ce ta mutane masu zaman kansu, waɗanda ba za a yarda da kusanci da buɗe ido a kansu ba. Mafi sau da yawa, suna da son kai, tun da samfurin su na "aiki" shine kyakkyawan hoto na kansu da kuma mummunan siffar wasu, wanda ya bayyana rashin jin daɗi a cikin dangantaka ta soyayya. Irin wannan abin da aka makala yana kan karewa, dannewa da ɓoye motsin zuciyarsa.
4. Haɗe-haɗe-haɗe-haɗe
Irin wannan nau'i na abin da aka makala yana da mummunar siffar kansa da kuma mummunan siffar wasu kuma yawanci yana bayyana kansa a cikin wadanda suka sha wahala a cikin dangantaka - daga jiki, halin kirki ko jima'i. Yana da wuya irin waɗannan mutane su kasance masu ƙauna da buɗe ido, duk da sha'awar kusanci. Sha'awar ƙaura yana nufin tsoro na ƙi da rashin jin daɗi daga kowane nau'i. Ba wai kawai ba su amince da abokin tarayya ba, amma kuma ba sa la'akari da kansu sun cancanci ƙauna.
Yadda nau'in haɗe-haɗe ke shafar dangantaka
Mutane masu sa'a masu amintaccen nau'in abin da aka makala sun fi gamsuwa da alaƙa fiye da mutanen da ke da wasu zaɓuɓɓuka - duka fahimtar juna a cikin sadarwa da hulɗar jima'i. Suna son kusanci, godiya da sadaukarwa, amincewa da juna kuma suna da kowane damar samun abin ban mamaki "kuma sun rayu cikin farin ciki har abada."
A lokaci guda kuma, dangantaka ta dogon lokaci tana faruwa a cikin mutanen da ke da wasu nau'ikan abin da aka makala. Alal misali, nau'in damuwa yana iya yin dangantaka na dogon lokaci, yayin da yake fama da rashin iyaka daga abubuwan da ba su da kyau. Irin waɗannan haruffa suna jin tsoron watsi da su, ba su da tabbacin mahimmancin su ga abokin tarayya da kuma yadda yake ji. Kowace rana suna rayuwa sabanin imaninsu, suna fafitikar kiyaye farin cikin su mara ƙarfi.
Kusan rabin manya na yau - masana kimiyya sun ce adadin ya kai kashi 45% - ba su sami kusanci da iyayensu ba tun suna yara. Abin baƙin ciki, wannan ba kawai gaskiya daga baya, amma wani abu da ya shafi dukan rayuwa. Rashin haɗe-haɗe yana shafar lafiyar hankali da ingancin alaƙa, ba tare da ƙaunatattun ba. Kammalawa, daidaito, rashin dogaro da kai, da damuwa gabaɗaya na iya zama sakamakon rashin haɗin kai.
Nau'in da aka kafa na abin da aka makala yana rufe haɗin gwiwa a cikin mummunan da'ira, yana tilasta ku ku sake maimaita al'amura iri ɗaya cikin rashin sani don haɓaka alaƙa, sake haifar da samfurin "karye" akai-akai, kuma, abin da ke da baƙin ciki musamman, wucewa lambar dangantaka mara kyau. daga tsara zuwa tsara. Abin da ya sa, bayan gano matsalar, ya zama dole a yi aiki a kai - don koyon yadda za a gina dangantaka ta al'ada tare da taimakon ilimin halin dan Adam da kuma maganin da ya dace da kuma ƙaddamar da fasaha mai kyau ta hanyar gado.
