Mitundu inayi ya kukopana - imodzi yabwino ndi itatu yosakhala yabwino kwambiri
Kulumikizana ndi njira yopangira mgwirizano pakati pa anthu womwe umapitilira mpaka kalekale, ngakhale anthu atapatukana. Kwa akuluakulu, kugwirizana ndi luso lothandiza komanso chosowa chaumunthu. Kwa ana, ndizofunikira kwambiri komanso chidziwitso choyamba chamalingaliro momwe njira yolumikizirana mtsogolo imapangidwira.
Kulumikizana ngati chida cholumikizirana ndi okondedwa sikumalumikizidwa muubongo wa khanda, koma kumapangidwa panthawi yolumikizana ndi wamkulu wamkulu. Kawirikawiri awa ndi amayi kapena abambo, kawirikawiri - agogo kapena munthu wina, ngati mwanayo anasiyidwa opanda makolo. M'banja momwe mtendere, bata ndi kumvetsetsana zimalamulira, ndipo mwanayo amakula m'chikondi ndi chisamaliro, mwanayo amakhala ndi chiyanjano chachibadwa, chomwe akatswiri a zamaganizo amachitcha "chodalirika".
"M'malo opanda thanzi komanso machitidwe osagwirizana, osakhazikika a munthu wamkulu wamkulu, vuto lokondana limayambika - kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro komwe mwana ndi wamkulu yemwe akukula kuchokera mwa iye sangathe kupanga maubwenzi olimba, athanzi, okhalitsa ndi anthu ena,” akufotokoza motero Evgenia Smolenskaya, katswiri wa zamaganizo ku Mental Health Center.
Kuphwanya mgwirizano kumawonekera mu kusakhulupirira, mantha, nkhawa, tcheru, zovuta kusintha, kulakalaka kudalirana, kusokonezeka kwa khalidwe, zomwe zimayambira ku chinthu chimodzi - kulephera kusankha bwenzi loyenera ndikumanga ubale wosangalala. Momwe mungadziwire kuphwanya kwa mgwirizano ndi choti muchite nawo - akuti katswiri wathu Evgenia Smolenskaya.
Zifukwa za kusweka ubwenzi
Chiphunzitso chophatikizira chinatsimikiziridwa kumayambiriro kwa zaka za m'ma 1960 ndi 70s ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo wa Chingerezi John Bowlby, mogwirizana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Mary Ainsworth, yemwe anafotokoza kuti chodabwitsachi chinali kukhudzana kwambiri pakati pa mwana ndi mayi. M'kupita kwa nthawi, Bowlby adazindikira kuti mgwirizano womwe umapangidwa ali wakhanda umakhala ndi gawo lalikulu m'moyo wonse, kukhudza ubale wapakati pa anthu ndi njira zonse zamaganizidwe.
Chakumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 1980, asayansi adapitirizabe kupanga malingaliro a Bowlby ndi Ainsworth ndipo adapeza kuti kugwirizana pakati pa okondedwa mu chikondi, ubwenzi, ngakhale maubwenzi amalonda ndi ofanana ndi ubale wa mwana ndi kholo. Mofanana ndi kugwirizana pakati pa mayi ndi mwana, kumene aliyense amalandira madalitso ake ndi chithandizo chake, kotero maubwenzi achikondi ndi maziko otetezeka, dongosolo lomwe limathandiza aliyense mwa okwatirana ndipo onse pamodzi amawonetsa zisonkhezero zamkati ndi zakunja, kusintha ku zovuta ndi chisangalalo.
Kupeza kwakukulu kwa asayansi kunali mfundo yakuti mfundo zomwe zimakhazikitsidwa pokhudzana ndi makolo ndi mwana zimakhudza kugwirizana kwa maubwenzi achikondi. Mtundu wa chiyanjano umakhazikitsidwa muubwana kwambiri ndipo umakhala wokhazikika m'moyo wonse, ngakhale ukhoza kukhudzidwa ndi zomwe wapeza. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, munthu akhoza kukulira m'malo otetezeka, koma atakumana ndi zovuta mu ubale wachikondi, ayambe kuphwanya mgwirizano - ndi mosemphanitsa. N'zotheka kukonza zinthu kuti zikhale zabwino, koma zimakhala zovuta kwambiri, chifukwa machitidwe ena amapangidwa omwe amafunika kusinthidwa, ndipo munthu sangachite popanda kuthandizidwa ndi katswiri.
Mitundu yophatikizika ndi momwe amasiyanirana
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amazindikira mitundu inayi yayikulu yolumikizirana muubwenzi. Mwa awa, odalirika okha ndi omwe amadziwika kuti ndi ovomerezeka kuti akhale osangalala, ndipo atatu otsalawo amaonedwa kuti ndi zophwanya zomwe zimasokoneza.
1. Mtundu wodalirika wolumikizira
Wodziwika ndi chithunzi chabwino cha iye yekha ndi chithunzi chabwino cha ena - ndiko kuti, munthu yemwe ali ndi mtundu uwu amadziwa kudzidalira yekha ndi kudalira ena. Anthu omwe ali ndi chiyanjano chotetezeka ali omasuka kwa okondedwa, osawopa ubwenzi wapamtima, amafuna ndipo akhoza kukhala achikondi ndi owona mtima. Malinga ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo, mwayi wogwirizana m'moyo pamodzi ndi wapamwamba kwambiri kwa anthu omwe ali ndi chiyanjano chotetezedwa, zomwe zimathandiza kuti anthu azikhala ndi malingaliro abwino a maubwenzi achikondi komanso kukhutira kwathunthu.
2. Nkhawa mtundu wa ubwenzi
Wodziwika ndi mawonekedwe olakwika a iye mwini komanso mawonekedwe abwino a ena ("Ndine woipa / o, iwo ndi abwino"): mtundu uwu umadzizunza ndi kukayikira ndi nkhawa, makamaka ngati chinthu chokondedwa ndi chozizira kapena chosungidwa. Munthu yemwe ali ndi nkhawa amakhala ndi chikhumbo chofuna kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima, kufunikira kotsimikizira nthawi zonse zakukhosi kwa mnzake, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa kudalirana muubwenzi. Anthu omwe ali ndi chiyanjano chotere amadziwika ndi kudzikayikira, nsanje, kufotokoza maganizo.
3. Kupewa-kukana mtundu wa kugwirizana
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amanena kuti mtundu wachitatu ndi wachinayi wa chiyanjano ndi omwe amapezedwa akakula, chifukwa cha chidziwitso: sadziwika kwa ana. Kupewa-kukana chiyanjano ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu odziimira okha, omwe kuyandikana kwakukulu ndi kumasuka m'malingaliro ndizosavomerezeka. Nthawi zambiri, amakhala odzikonda, chifukwa chitsanzo chawo "chogwira ntchito" ndi chithunzi chabwino cha iwo eni komanso chithunzi choyipa cha ena, chomwe chimafotokoza za kudzipatula mu maubwenzi okondana. Kulumikizana kwamtunduwu kuli pachitetezo, kupondereza ndi kubisala zakukhosi kwake.
4. Nkhawa-kupewa ubwenzi
Kulumikizana kotereku kumadziwika ndi kudziwonetsera koyipa komanso mawonekedwe olakwika a ena ndipo nthawi zambiri kumawonekera mwa iwo omwe adavutikadi muubwenzi - kuchokera ku nkhanza zakuthupi, zamakhalidwe kapena zakugonana. N’kovuta kwa anthu oterowo kukhala achikondi ndi omasuka, mosasamala kanthu za chikhumbo chaubwenzi. Chikhumbo chofuna kusamuka chimayendetsedwa ndi mantha okana kukanidwa komanso kusapeza bwino kuchokera kumagulu amtundu uliwonse. Iwo samangokhulupirira mnzawo, komanso samadziona kuti ndi oyenera kukondedwa.
Momwe cholumikizira chimakhudzira ubale
Anthu amwayi omwe ali ndi mtundu wotetezeka wa chiyanjano amakhala okhutira ndi maubwenzi kusiyana ndi anthu omwe ali ndi njira zina - kumvetsetsana pakulankhulana ndi kugonana. Amafuna ubwenzi, kuyamikira kudzipereka, kukhulupirirana wina ndi mzake ndi kukhala ndi mwayi uliwonse wopambana "ndipo adakhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale."
Pa nthawi yomweyi, maubwenzi a nthawi yayitali amapezeka mwa anthu omwe ali ndi mitundu ina ya chiyanjano. Mwachitsanzo, mtundu wodetsa nkhawa ukhoza kukhala ndi maubwenzi a nthawi yaitali, pamene akuvutika kosatha ndi zochitika zambiri zoipa. Makhalidwe oterowo amawopa kusiyidwa, samatsimikiza za kufunikira kwawo kwa wokondedwa ndi malingaliro ake. Tsiku lililonse amakhala motsutsana ndi zikhulupiriro zawo, akumavutika kuti asunge chimwemwe chawo chosalimba.
Pafupifupi theka la akuluakulu amasiku ano - asayansi akuti chiwerengerochi ndi 45% - sanagwirizane ndi makolo awo ali ana. Tsoka ilo, izi sizowona chabe zakale, koma chinthu chomwe chimakhudza moyo wonse. Kusokonekera kumakhudza thanzi lamalingaliro komanso ubale wabwino, osati ndi okondedwa okha. Kungofuna kuchita zinthu mosalakwitsa chilichonse, kudalira zinthu zina, kusadalira ena, komanso kuda nkhawa wamba zithanso kukhala chifukwa cha vuto la kusagwirizana.
Mtundu wolumikizidwa umatseka maulumikizidwewo mozungulira moyipa, ndikukukakamizani kuti mubwerezenso mosazindikira zochitika zomwezo kuti pakhale maubwenzi, kubwereza mobwerezabwereza "yosweka" chitsanzo, ndipo, chomwe chiri chomvetsa chisoni kwambiri, ndikudutsa nambala yolakwika ya ubale. ku mibadwomibadwo. Ndicho chifukwa chake, mutazindikira vutoli, ndikofunika kuti mugwiritse ntchito - kuti mudziwe momwe mungapangire maubwenzi abwino ndi chithandizo cha psychoanalysis ndi chithandizo choyenera ndikupititsa luso loyenera mwa cholowa.
