Iintlobo ezine zokutsala umdla omnye komnye - enye ilungile kwaye ezintathu ayilunganga kangako
Ukuncamathisela yinkqubo efanayo yokwenza amaqhina angokweemvakalelo phakathi kwabantu aqhubeka ngonaphakade, naxa abantu bohlukene. Kubantu abadala, ukudibanisa sisakhono esiluncedo kunye nesidingo somntu. Kubantwana, yimfuneko ebalulekileyo kunye namava okuqala engqondo apho indlela yobudlelwane kwixesha elizayo yakhiwe.
I-Attachment njengesixhobo sokunxibelelana nabantu obathandayo ayifakwanga kwingqondo yomntwana, kodwa yenziwa ngexesha lokunxibelelana nomntu omdala obalulekileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo lo ngumama okanye utata, kaninzi - ugogo okanye omnye umntu, ukuba umntwana ushiywe ngaphandle kwabazali. Kwintsapho apho uxolo, ukuzola kunye nokuqondana kulawula, kwaye umntwana ukhula ngothando kunye nokunyamekela, umntwana uhlakulela ukudibanisa okuqhelekileyo, okubizwa ngokuba yi-psychologists "inokuthenjwa".
"Kwindawo engafanelekanga kunye nokuziphatha okungqubanayo, okungazinzanga komntu omdala obalulekileyo, ukuphazamiseka kokuncamathela kubekwe - ukungasebenzi kakuhle ngokweemvakalelo apho umntwana kunye nomntu omdala okhulela kuye bengenako ukudala ubudlelwane obuqinileyo, obunempilo, obuhlala ixesha elide kunye naye. abanye abantu, "kuchaza u-Evgenia Smolenskaya, isazi sengqondo seklinikhi kwiZiko leMpilo yeNgqondo.
Ukuphulwa kwe-Attachment kuzibonakalisa ngokungathembeki, ukwesaba, ukuxhalaba, ukuphaphama, ubunzima bokulungelelanisa, ukunqwenela ukuxhomekeka, ukuphazamiseka kokuziphatha, undoqo obilisa into enye - ukungakwazi ukukhetha iqabane elifanelekileyo kunye nokwakha ubudlelwane obonwabileyo. Indlela yokuchonga ukuphulwa kokuqhotyoshela kunye nento ongayenza ngayo - ithi ingcali yethu u-Evgenia Smolenskaya.
Iimbangela zokuqhawuka kokuncamathela
Ithiyori yokuncamathisela yaqinisekiswa ekuqaleni kweminyaka yoo-1960 kunye ne-70s ngugqirha wengqondo wesiNgesi kunye no-psychoanalyst uJohn Bowlby, ngokubambisana nososayensi wengqondo uMary Ainsworth, owachaza le nto njengonxibelelwano olusondeleyo lweemvakalelo phakathi komntwana nomama. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, u-Bowlby waqonda ukuba iqhina elenziwe ebuntwaneni lidlala indima esebenzayo kubo bonke ubomi, lichaphazela ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu kunye nazo zonke iinkqubo zokuqonda.
Ngasekupheleni kwee-1980, izazinzulu zaqhubeka nokuphuhlisa iingcamango ze-Bowlby kunye ne-Ainsworth kwaye zafumanisa ukuba intsebenziswano phakathi kwamaqabane othando, ubuhlobo, kunye nobudlelwane bezoshishino bufana nobudlelwane phakathi komntwana kunye nomzali. Kanye njengobudlelwane phakathi komama nosana, apho wonke umntu ufumana iintsikelelo kunye nenkxaso yakhe, ngoko ubudlelwane bothando buyisiseko esikhuselekileyo, inkqubo enceda ngamnye kwisibini kwaye bobabini kunye babonisa impembelelo yangaphakathi nangaphandle, ukulungelelanisa ubunzima kunye nolonwabo.
Ukufunyaniswa okuphambili kwezazinzulu yayikukuba imigaqo eyenziwe kunxibelelwano lomzali nomntwana ichaphazela ukuncamathela kubudlelwane bothando. Uhlobo lokuncamathela lusekwe ebuntwaneni kwaye luhlala luzinzile kubo bonke ubomi, nangona lunokuphenjelelwa ngamava afunyenweyo. Ngamanye amazwi, umntu unokukhuliswa kwindawo ekhuselekileyo, kodwa emva kokufumana amava angalunganga kubudlelwane bothando, ukuphuhlisa ukuphulwa kokuqhotyoshelana - kunye nokunye. Kunokwenzeka ukulungisa imeko ibe ngcono, kodwa kunzima kakhulu, ekubeni iipatheni ezithile zokuziphatha ziphuhliswa kufuneka zitshintshwe, kwaye umntu akanako ukwenza ngaphandle koncedo lwengcali.
Iintlobo zokuncamathisela kunye nendlela ezahluke ngayo
Iingcali zengqondo zichonga ezine iintlobo eziphambili zokuncamathela kubudlelwane. Kwezi, kuphela ezinokuthenjwa ziphawulwa njengokwamkelekileyo ngokomgangatho wolonwabo lobuqu, kwaye ezithathu eziseleyo zijongwa njengezokwaphulwa kwemithetho ephazamisana noko.
1. Uhlobo oluthembekileyo loncamathiselo
Ukubonakaliswa ngumfanekiso omhle wakhe kunye nomfanekiso omhle wabanye - oko kukuthi, umntu onolu hlobo uyazi indlela yokuzixabisa kunye nokuthembela kwabanye. Abantu abanoqhotyoshelweyo olukhuselekileyo bavulekele iqabane, bengesabi ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo, bafuna kwaye banokuba nothando nokunyaniseka. Ngokutsho kweengcali zengqondo, amathuba emvisiswano kubomi kunye aphakamileyo kubalinganiswa abanamathele ngokukhuselekileyo, okufaka isandla kwimbono efanelekileyo yobudlelwane bothando kunye nokwaneliseka ngokubanzi.
2. Uhlobo olunexhala lokuncamathisela
Ukubonakaliswa ngumfanekiso ongemhle ngaye kunye nembonakalo entle yabanye ("Ndimbi / oh, balungile"): olu hlobo luzithuthumbisa ngamathandabuzo kunye namaxhala, ngakumbi ukuba into yothando ibanda okanye igodliwe. Umntu onobudlelwane obuxhalabileyo ubonakaliswa ngumnqweno ovuthayo wokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, imfuneko yokuqinisekiswa rhoqo kweemvakalelo zomlingane, odla ngokukhokelela kwi-codependency kubudlelwane. Abantu abanobudlelwane obunjalo babonakaliswa ngokuzithemba, umona, ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo.
3. Ukunqanda-ukwala uhlobo lokuncamathela
Iingcali zengqondo zithi uhlobo lwesithathu nolwesine lokuqhotyoshelana kwezo zifunyenwe ebudaleni, ngenxa yamava: abaziwayo kubantwana. I-Attachment ye-Avoidant-rejecting i-attachment yabantu abazimeleyo, apho iqondo eliphezulu lokusondelana kunye nokuvuleka kwiimvakalelo akwamkelekanga. Ngokuqhelekileyo, banobugovu, kuba imodeli yabo "yokusebenza" ingumfanekiso omhle wabo kunye nomfanekiso ongalunganga wabanye, ochaza ukungazinzi kubudlelwane bothando. Olu hlobo lokuqhotyoshelwa lukhusela, lucinezela kwaye lufihla iimvakalelo zalo.
4. Ixhala-ukuphepha attachment
Olu hlobo lokuncamathela lubonakaliswa ngumfanekiso ombi kunye nomfanekiso ongalunganga wabanye kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo uzibonakalisa kulabo abaye babandezeleka ngokwenene kubudlelwane - ekuxhatshazweni ngokomzimba, ngokuziphatha okanye ngokwesondo. Kunzima ukuba abantu abanjalo babe nothando kwaye bavuleleke, phezu kwawo nje umnqweno wokusondelelana. Umnqweno wokufuduka uchazwa kukoyika ukugatywa kunye nokukhathazeka kubafowunelwa balo naluphi na uhlobo. Abagcini nje ukuthemba iqabane, kodwa nabo abaziboni befanelwe uthando.
Uhlobo lokuncamathela lubuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane
Abantu abanethamsanqa abanohlobo olukhuselekileyo lokuncamathela banokuthi baneliseke ngobudlelwane kunabantu abanolunye ukhetho - ukuqondana kokubili kunxibelelwano kunye nokunxibelelana ngokwesondo. Bafuna ukusondelelana, bayakuxabisa ukuzinikela, bathembane kwaye banalo lonke ithuba lokonwaba “kwaye bahlala ngolonwabo emva koko.”
Kwangaxeshanye, ubudlelwane bexesha elide lwenzeka kubantu abanezinye iintlobo zokuncamathela. Ngokomzekelo, uhlobo oluxhalabileyo luyakwazi ubudlelwane bexesha elide, ngelixa lihlupheka ngokungapheliyo kumava amaninzi abi. Abalinganiswa abanjalo bayesaba ukulahlwa, abaqinisekanga ngokubaluleka kwabo kwiqabane kunye neemvakalelo zakhe. Mihla le baphila ngokuchasene neenkolelo zabo, bezama ukugcina ulonwabo lwabo oluethe-ethe.
Phantse isiqingatha sabantu abadala banamhlanje - oosonzululwazi bathi inani lingama-45% - abazange baphuhlise ubuhlobo obukhuselekileyo nabazali babo ebuntwaneni. Ngelishwa, oku akusiyo nje inyaniso evela kwixesha elidlulileyo, kodwa into echaphazela bonke ubomi. Ukuphazamiseka kokuncamathisela kuchaphazela impilo yengqondo kunye nomgangatho wobudlelwane, kwaye hayi nje nabantu obathandayo. Ukugqibelela, ukuxhomekeka, ukuxhomekeka, kunye nokuxhalaba ngokubanzi kunokuba ngumphumo wokuphazamiseka kokunamathela.
Uhlobo olwenziweyo lokuncamathisela luvala uqhagamshelo kwisangqa esibi, kukunyanzela ukuba uphindaphinde ngokungazi iimeko ezifanayo zophuhliso lobudlelwane, ukuvelisa kwakhona imodeli "eyaphukileyo" ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kwaye, eyona nto ibuhlungu kakhulu, ukudlulisa ikhowudi yobudlelwane obungalunganga. kwizizukulwana ngezizukulwana. Yingakho, xa uchonge ingxaki, kuyimfuneko ukusebenza kuyo - ukuze ufunde indlela yokwakha ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo ngoncedo lwe-psychoanalysis kunye nonyango olufanelekileyo kunye nokudlulisa isakhono esifanelekileyo ngelifa.
