Izinhlobo ezine zokukhangana - eyodwa enhle futhi emithathu ayinhle kangako
Ukunamathisela kuyinqubo ehlangene yokwakha izibopho ezingokomzwelo phakathi kwabantu eziqhubekayo unomphela, ngisho nalapho abantu behlukene. Kubantu abadala, ukunamathela kuyikhono eliwusizo nesidingo somuntu. Ezinganeni, kuyisidingo esibalulekile kanye nolwazi lokuqala olungokwengqondo lapho kwakhiwa khona indlela yobudlelwano esikhathini esizayo.
Okunamathiselwe njengethuluzi lokuxhumana nabantu obathandayo akufakwanga kanzima ebuchosheni bosana, kodwa kwakhiwa ngesikhathi sokuxhumana nomuntu omdala obalulekile. Ngokuvamile lo ngumama noma ubaba, kancane kancane - ugogo noma omunye umuntu, uma ingane ishiywe ngaphandle kwabazali. Emndenini lapho kubusa ukuthula, ukuzola nokuqondana, futhi ingane ikhulela othandweni nasekunakekeleni, umntwana uhlakulela ukunamathela okuvamile, okushiwo yizazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ngokuthi "okuthembekile".
"Ezindaweni ezingenampilo kanye nokuziphatha okungqubuzanayo, okungazinzile komuntu omdala obalulekile, ukuphazamiseka kokunamathela kubekwa - ukungasebenzi kahle kwemizwa lapho ingane nomuntu omdala okhula kuye bengakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuqinile, obunempilo, besikhathi eside abanye abantu,” kuchaza u-Evgenia Smolenskaya, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo eMental Health Center.
Ukwephulwa kwe-Attachment kubonakala ekungathembani, ukwesaba, ukukhathazeka, ukuqapha, ubunzima bokujwayela, ukulangazelela ukuzimela, ukuphazamiseka kokuziphatha, ingqikithi yayo ephelela entweni eyodwa - ukungakwazi ukukhetha umlingani ofanele nokwakha ubuhlobo obujabulisayo. Indlela yokubona ukwephulwa kokunamathiselwe nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngakho - kusho uchwepheshe wethu u-Evgenia Smolenskaya.
Izimbangela zokunamathiselwe okuphukile
Ithiyori yokunamathisela yasekelwa ekuqaleni kwawo-1960s kanye nama-70s ngudokotela wengqondo oyiNgisi kanye nochwepheshe bengqondo uJohn Bowlby, ngokubambisana nochwepheshe wezengqondo uMary Ainsworth, owachaza lesi sigameko njengokuthintana okusondelene ngokomzwelo phakathi kwengane nomama. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, u-Bowlby waqaphela ukuthi isibopho esakheka ebuntwaneni sidlala indima ebonakalayo kuyo yonke impilo, sithonya ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu kanye nazo zonke izinqubo zengqondo.
Ngasekupheleni kwawo-1980, ososayensi baqhubeka nokuthuthukisa imibono ka-Bowlby no-Ainsworth futhi bathola ukuthi ukusebenzisana phakathi kwabalingani othandweni, ubungane, ngisho nobudlelwano bebhizinisi bufana nobudlelwano phakathi kwengane nomzali. Njengesibopho esiphakathi kukamama nengane, lapho wonke umuntu ethola khona izibusiso zakhe nokusekelwa, kanjalo ubudlelwano bothando buyisisekelo esiphephile, uhlelo olusiza ngamunye kumbhangqwana futhi kokubili ndawonye kubonise amathonya angaphakathi nangaphandle, ukuzivumelanisa nobunzima nezinjabulo.
Ukutholwa okuyinhloko kososayensi kwaba iqiniso lokuthi izimiso ezakhiwe ekuxhumaneni komzali nengane zithinta ukunamathela ebuhlotsheni bothando. Uhlobo lokunamathisela lusungulwa ebuntwaneni futhi luhlala luzinzile kukho konke ukuphila, nakuba lungathonywa ulwazi olutholiwe. Ngamanye amazwi, umuntu angakhuliswa endaweni ephephile, kodwa ngemva kokubhekana nesipiliyoni esibi ebuhlotsheni bothando, athuthukise ukuphulwa kokunamathiselwe - futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Kungenzeka ukulungisa isimo sibe ngcono, kodwa kunzima kakhulu, ngoba amaphethini athile okuziphatha athuthukisiwe adinga ukuguqulwa, futhi umuntu akakwazi ukwenza ngaphandle kosizo lochwepheshe.
Izinhlobo zokunamathisela nokuthi zihluke kanjani
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zikhomba izinhlobo ezine eziyinhloko zokunamathelana ebuhlotsheni. Kulokhu, okunokwethenjelwa kuphela okubhekwa njengokwamukelekayo ngokwemfanelo enjabulweni yomuntu siqu, futhi okuthathu okusele kubhekwa njengokwephulwa okuphazamisayo.
1. Uhlobo oluthembekile lokunamathiselwe
Ebonakala ngesithombe esihle ngaye kanye nesithombe esihle sabanye - okungukuthi, umuntu onalolu hlobo uyazi ukuthi uzozazisa kanjani futhi athembele kwabanye. Abantu abanokunamathiselwe okuvikelekile bavulekele umlingani, bengesabi ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, bafuna futhi bangaba nothando nobuqotho. Ngokusho kwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, amathuba okuzwana empilweni ndawonye aphakeme kakhulu kubalingiswa abanokunamathiselwe okuvikelekile, okufaka isandla embonweni omuhle wobudlelwano bothando kanye nokwaneliseka kukonke.
2. Uhlobo olukhathazekile lokunamathiselwe
Ebonakala ngesithombe esibi ngaye kanye nesithombe esihle sabanye (“Ngimubi / oh, bahle”): lolu hlobo luzihlupha ngokungabaza nokukhathazeka, ikakhulukazi uma into yothando ibanda noma igodliwe. Umuntu onokunamathela okukhathazeka ubonakala ngesifiso esinamandla sokusondelana ngokomzwelo, isidingo sokuqinisekiswa njalo kwemizwa yomlingani, okuvame ukuholela ekuthembekeni ebuhlotsheni. Abantu abanokunamathela okunjalo babonakala ngokuzethemba, umhawu, ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo.
3. Uhlobo lokunamathiselwe olwenqabayo lokwenqaba
Ochwepheshe bezengqondo bathi uhlobo lwesithathu nolwesine lokunamathisela kulabo abatholwa lapho sebekhulile, ngenxa yesipiliyoni: abangaziwa ezinganeni. Ukwenqaba okunamathiselwe kokugwema kuyisici sabantu abazimele, okungamukeleki kubo izinga eliphezulu lokusondelana nokuvuleleka emizweni. Ngokuvamile, banobugovu, ngoba imodeli yabo "yokusebenza" iyisithombe esihle sabo kanye nesithombe esibi sabanye, esichaza ukudelela ebuhlotsheni bothando. Lolu hlobo lokunamathisela luphezu kokuzivikela, ukucindezela nokufihla imizwa yayo.
4. Ukunamathela kokugwema ukukhathazeka
Lolu hlobo lokunamathisela lubonakala ngesithombe esibi ngawe kanye nesithombe esibi sabanye futhi ngokuvamile sizibonakalisa kulabo abaye bahlupheka ngempela ebudlelwaneni - kusukela ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzimba, ngokokuziphatha noma ngokocansi. Kunzima ngabantu abanjalo ukuba nothando nokuvuleleka, naphezu kwesifiso sokusondelana. Isifiso sokusuka kude sinqunywa ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa nokungakhululeki koxhumana nabo banoma yiluphi uhlobo. Abagcini nje ngokumethemba umlingani, kodwa futhi abaziboni befanelwe uthando.
Ukuthi uhlobo lokunamathiselwe lubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano
Abantu abanenhlanhla abanohlobo oluvikelekile lokunamathisela kungenzeka baneliseke ngobudlelwano kunabantu abanezinye izinketho - kokubili ukuqondana ekukhulumisaneni nasekuhlanganyeleni ucansi. Bafuna ukusondelana, bayakwazisa ukuzinikela, ukwethembana futhi banawo wonke amathuba okuba nenhlese “futhi baphile kamnandi ngemva kwalokho.”
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ubudlelwane besikhathi eside buyenzeka kubantu abanezinye izinhlobo zokunamathiselwe. Isibonelo, uhlobo olukhathazekile luyakwazi ubudlelwano besikhathi eside, kuyilapho luhlupheka ngokungapheli ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho okuningi okungalungile. Abalingiswa abanjalo besaba ukushiywa, abaqiniseki ngokubaluleka kwabo kumlingani kanye nemizwa yakhe. Nsuku zonke baphila ngokuphambene nezinkolelo zabo, bezabalaza ukugcina injabulo yabo entekenteke.
Cishe ingxenye yabantu abadala banamuhla - ososayensi bathi isibalo singama-45% - abazange bakhe ubuhlobo obuphephile nabazali babo ebuntwaneni. Ngeshwa, lokhu akulona nje iqiniso lesikhathi esidlule, kodwa into ethinta yonke impilo. Ukuphazamiseka kokunamathiselwe kuthinta impilo yengqondo kanye nekhwalithi yobudlelwano, hhayi nje nabathandekayo. Ukufuna ukuphelela, ukuthembela, ukuncika, nokukhathazeka okuvamile nakho kungaba umphumela wokuphazamiseka kokunamathiselwe.
Uhlobo olwakhiwe lokunamathiselwe luvala ukuxhumana embuthanweni ononya, okukuphoqa ukuthi uphindaphinde ngokungazi izimo ezifanayo zokuthuthukiswa kobudlelwane, ukukhiqiza kabusha imodeli "ephukile" ngokuphindaphindiwe, futhi, okudabukisayo ikakhulukazi, ukudlulisa ikhodi yobudlelwane obungalungile. izizukulwane ngezizukulwane. Yingakho, lapho uhlonze inkinga, kuyadingeka ukusebenza kuyo - ukuze ufunde indlela yokwakha ubuhlobo obujwayelekile ngosizo lwe-psychoanalysis kanye nokwelashwa okulungile futhi udlulise ikhono elifanele ngefa.
